[.I Dream Of You.]

My little man is almost a year old!

WHAT??

Miss K is TWO!

I honestly do not know where the last two years have gone!  I love this girl with everything that I have!  She is the sweetest little girl with the biggest heart you have ever met.

I always heard that after having kids, your life will never be the same. Now, two years and two sweet babes later, I can officially say my life isn't the same.  But why should I have expected it to be the same?  Or why would I have wanted it to be the same?

My life STARTED when I had Kailee.

I get to experience new milestones with my children.

Seeing them learn to walk, talk, solve problems, make messes, all these things and WAY more to come.

I love seeing the absolute innocence they have.

Their pure love.

Their genuine laughs.

Their excitement.

Everything.

Yes, it is hard. 

So very hard.

And no, I don't sleep.

At all.

I look at people with more than two kids and I think they are absolutely crazy!

C R A Z Y

and to think, I'm still sitting here, wanting more...

who would have thought!?

{.Clay 8 Months.}

This handsome fella is now 8 months!

{.Christmas 2014.}

This year I was super excited for Christmas!  I am sure it was because of Kailee and Clayton.  They just seemed to add that extra magical spirit.  We spent Christmas Eve with Lance's family which is always so much fun then went home for the night waiting for Santa to come by.  We stayed home Christmas morning and went down to my Dad's once the babies woke up from their naps.  We were so spoiled by all our family!  Every year I am always overwhelmed by how much we are loved by those around us.

And I'm about positive Kailee loves her Papa.

[.24/7.]

What I've learned since becoming a parent.  Real talk.  Because I hate small talk.

I know that I know nothing in comparison to the grandparents out there that have raised their children.
Having kids is not convenient.
If you want a "more convenient" life, do not have kids.
It is hard.
You don't just get to go out to a concert or out to dinner and enjoy one anothers company.
You get to make sure your child is actually putting food into their mouths instead of accidentally hitting someone in the head with a cup.
What once seemed like a "long 45 minute drive" to your boyfriends house at one point is now a day trip planned around nap time and feedings.  Not to mention you are packing your entire house just to get there.
You literally spend your entire day picking up the house only to find at the end of the day it still is a complete disaster.
You may not get ready for the day. week. month??
Sleep....
You will repeat yourself one thousand times a day. I repeat. one thousand times.

     "Keep your pants on."
     "Sit on your bum."
     "That's hot."
     "Eat your dinner."
     "Take a bite."
     "Keep your pants on."
     "Pick up your blocks."
     "Don't throw that at your brother."
     "We draw on paper."
     "Keep your pants on."
     "Go throw it away."
     "Brother is sleeping so be quiet." (Knocks on his bedroom door)
     "Water stays in the tub."
     "Keep your pants on."
     "Bring me a diaper."
     "Sit on your bum."
     "Bring it to Mom."
     "Go give it to Dad."
     "Keep your pants on."

You see where I'm going.

It is all hard.
Raising kids.
Not just babies and toddlers.
Because then there are other things that come up as they get older.
Talking back and lying.
Teenagers.
Puberty.
Dating.
Sex.
LIFE.

There are hard times and there are good times.  There are miserable trying times and there are unbelievably great times.  THOSE are the things I want to be able to teach my children. To be confident. To laugh at themselves. To learn to love themselves and use their talents. Learn to communicate effectively. Learn how to work together with people to be successful.  See the simplicity in a world that is so NOT simple. I want them to know how great life really can be.
THAT is what will be hard.

and that is what i'm afraid of.

That I won't be able to teach them these things.  or at least that I won't be good at it.

BUT.

I do know
if I do what I feel is right
if I talk openly to them
if I am involved in their lives
if I develop a relationship built around trust
and
if I pay attention
that I will know what to do and how to do it.

This stage right now?
Having two tiny humans to take care of
to feed
to help learn to walk
to help color
to chase
to clean up after

It is hard.  It is draining. It is exhausting and it is demanding.

But those two babies are my world to me and I love them with everything that I have.

[.be brave little one.]

So I haven't been a complete slacker (although it seems like it) because I do have these updates of Clayton!

I can't believe how much he's changed and how fast he's growing up!

He started army crawling this morning instead of scooting everywhere.

[.a day in the life.]

Just excuse me while I ramble for a minute.
I feel like our every day is pretty routine for the most part.  We do different things here and there, but really, my day consists of feeding babies, changing babies, playing with toys, cleaning up non-stop after Kailee and enjoying some "me time" once the kids are asleep.

Laundry gets thrown in the wash and if I'm lucky gets thrown in the dryer the same day, let alone gets folded!

I'm trying to be better.  I'm very much a "lists" person, so I've created myself a schedule to somewhat base my days off of.

Speaking of which, I should be doing laundry right now ;)

Like I said, working on it!

Writing just seemed like much more fun!

Before Clayton was born I'd try and take Kailee somewhere different each day after breakfast, before her nap.

Usually it would be the duck park, the splash pad, story time at the library, things like that.

Now that I'm trying to get Clayton on a somewhat decent sleeping schedule he's usually napping during that time.  At least that is what I'm aiming for.  Sometimes he likes to take about six small cat naps a day, I'm trying to change that.  So while he's napping in the morning I'll try and have my time with Kailee.  Sometimes that means she comes out in the garage and "helps" me workout, sometimes we have dance parties, sometimes we go outside and water the flowers, or maybe I get ready for the day if I feel like it;)

Haha.  What does that even mean anymore, get ready?

One day. One day.

I used to get so mad at Lance for sleeping in the mornings because I felt like he wasn't helping.  I had a couple breakdowns the first month Clayton was born.  Now I feel like I'm sort of getting the hang of it, 4 months later...

I now just let Lance sleep.  I'd rather deal with a fussy baby than a fussy husband.

Not saying he is worthless and pathetic by any means, although I've said it in my head a few times.  I sincerely and genuinely appreciate Lance for everything he does for our family.  He works his tail off so I CAN be home with our babies and I'm trying my best to make it good for him to.  I've got to admit, I've been a pretty crappy wife.  He has home cooked meals to take to work and clean clothes (sometimes;]) to wear.  They may just be sitting in the laundry basket unfolded, but hey, they're clean!  But other things I could definitely work on!

I feel like I've been so focused on being a mom that I completely forgot how to be a wife.

I feel like he has capabilities of living on his own, he'll be fine.  But these two munchkins of ours?  They wouldn't survive a day without me taking care of their every need.

I know I'm just rambling but when people tell you that your life is forever changed after kids, well, damn it, it's the truth!

Your life REVOLVES around them.

What you do and don't do is completely different to the life you knew.

But I love this life of mine!

Yeah there are moments I could rip my hair out from not sleeping a solid night in the last two years.

There are times both children decide it is completely necessary to scream in unison.

There are more than enough times Lance has come home from work and the dishes are piled in the sink, the floor is disgusting, the living room in a mess and I just say screw it.

There are times I've been frustrated because all I want is to just watch The Bachelor and not worry about a single thing, because even when I do watch The Bachelor, I'm thinking about everything else that needs to be done.

There are times I'm singing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star in the shower.

There are times I get to go to the park and watch my babies enjoy the smallest things in life.

There are times I wonder how it is even possible for my tiny heart to be so full of love.

There are times I get teary-eyed just thinking of how lucky I am to be such an incapable mom to such beautiful loving babies.

I believe our Heavenly Father gives us moms just a little more "super-power" with each child.

When I was training clients I would always tell them that it doesn't get easier you just get stronger.  That saying now has a complete different meaning to me.

Well I think I've got another 30 minutes of sleeping babies, maybe I'll go work on that laundry;)