[.24/7.]

What I've learned since becoming a parent.  Real talk.  Because I hate small talk.

I know that I know nothing in comparison to the grandparents out there that have raised their children.
Having kids is not convenient.
If you want a "more convenient" life, do not have kids.
It is hard.
You don't just get to go out to a concert or out to dinner and enjoy one anothers company.
You get to make sure your child is actually putting food into their mouths instead of accidentally hitting someone in the head with a cup.
What once seemed like a "long 45 minute drive" to your boyfriends house at one point is now a day trip planned around nap time and feedings.  Not to mention you are packing your entire house just to get there.
You literally spend your entire day picking up the house only to find at the end of the day it still is a complete disaster.
You may not get ready for the day. week. month??
Sleep....
You will repeat yourself one thousand times a day. I repeat. one thousand times.

     "Keep your pants on."
     "Sit on your bum."
     "That's hot."
     "Eat your dinner."
     "Take a bite."
     "Keep your pants on."
     "Pick up your blocks."
     "Don't throw that at your brother."
     "We draw on paper."
     "Keep your pants on."
     "Go throw it away."
     "Brother is sleeping so be quiet." (Knocks on his bedroom door)
     "Water stays in the tub."
     "Keep your pants on."
     "Bring me a diaper."
     "Sit on your bum."
     "Bring it to Mom."
     "Go give it to Dad."
     "Keep your pants on."

You see where I'm going.

It is all hard.
Raising kids.
Not just babies and toddlers.
Because then there are other things that come up as they get older.
Talking back and lying.
Teenagers.
Puberty.
Dating.
Sex.
LIFE.

There are hard times and there are good times.  There are miserable trying times and there are unbelievably great times.  THOSE are the things I want to be able to teach my children. To be confident. To laugh at themselves. To learn to love themselves and use their talents. Learn to communicate effectively. Learn how to work together with people to be successful.  See the simplicity in a world that is so NOT simple. I want them to know how great life really can be.
THAT is what will be hard.

and that is what i'm afraid of.

That I won't be able to teach them these things.  or at least that I won't be good at it.

BUT.

I do know
if I do what I feel is right
if I talk openly to them
if I am involved in their lives
if I develop a relationship built around trust
and
if I pay attention
that I will know what to do and how to do it.

This stage right now?
Having two tiny humans to take care of
to feed
to help learn to walk
to help color
to chase
to clean up after

It is hard.  It is draining. It is exhausting and it is demanding.

But those two babies are my world to me and I love them with everything that I have.