[.My love is alive, my love is alive for you.]

I always told myself, "Just because I had a baby I'm not going to stop blogging!"  Now, look at me!  NOT BLOGGING!  Part of that reason was that we didn't have a computer for a good couple months, another could just be sheer laziness. 
I have FINALLY updated Kailees 3rd, 4th and 5th month of life :)  The last few months are coming as well!  This time, I promise!

I have no reason as to why I haven't blogged.  I have not been overly busy (thank goodness, I do not miss those days of every hour being consumed by something else), I'm pretty much just soaking up every minute I have with this sweet girl.  I don't want to miss one minute with her!  On Mondays I'm usually gone from about 5:45 am until about 9:15 at night.  Just this morning, on my way to work, I noticed that I had already thought about how much I missed Kailee before I had even gotten on the freeway.  But I try not to think about it during the day otherwise I'd drive myself crazy. 

I always knew after having kids that my life wouldn't be the same.  That my days would have different priorities than they used to.  Going out with friends happens, just not NEAR what it used to be.  I thought I was boring before?  Wanting to sleep by ten?  Ha.  More like I want to hop in bed and be done with the day at eight!  No one talk to me, shut off my phone, let me enjoy my pillow!  What is it about bath time that just completely exhausts me?  It's not like I'm swimming across a lake or anything! I'm sitting there playing with sea animals!  Anyway, I'm rambling now, but my point is, my life is different than it used to be.  It will be this way for a while, a long while. AND I love it.

Guess I should pay my speeding ticket now...

[.it takes nothing to join the crowd, it takes everything to stand alone.]

We moved out of our basement apartment in Farmington in June.

We are currently living at Lance's parent's house in Sandy. Saving our money for a larger down payment on a home.

We decided instead of renting again that we would much rather move into a home know that Kailee is here.

We actually put offers on two homes.

One was in the exact area we wanted (off of Weaver Lane in Layton) and the perfect house we thought we wanted.  Others ended up offering more on the house. Good thing, because we later found out it was a modular home.

The second home we made and offer on the owners accepted! In West Point, big lot, lots of space, huge RV pad, second huge garage, perfect! Just needed a little updating. Which we were excited about. Once the inspectors came they said the roof needed to be replaced, so we made some more offers, none of which the owners accepted.  After a lot of thought and prayers and emotional detachment, we decided to back out. Signed the cancellation papers,done!  They came back deciding they would replace the roof. Sorry! We already completely decided no. So as of now we are not looking, just currently planning on saving as much money as we can until we know exactly what we want to do and where we want to be.

[.the longer you live in the past, the less future you have to enjoy.]

I have sat down to write many many times with no success. I don't want to miss writing down moments because I know they go by so fast. I have hand written all of Kailees updates but still need to make her videos.  It would help if we had our computer :)

 

We did bless Kailee on Mother's Day this year.  It was lots of fun to have everyone over, Lance did an awesome job and she was beautiful!

 

Kailee was blessed

*  To always have the spirit with her whereever she goes

*  With health and strength

*  To be knowledgeable, have a smart mind

*  To study the scriptures and know the gosple so that she can be an example to her family and friends

*  To know that her life will be easier with the gosple

*  That she will be worthy to have the spirit with her

 

 

[.think positive and positive things will happen.]

Finally made her two month update video, 3 months is in the works!  Lance got me a video camera for my first Mother's Day so I'm pretty excited about it!

 

 

[.I love you for all that you are, all that you have been and all you are yet to be..]

I have sat down a thousand and ten times to try and blog within the last couple months!  Life has been crazy!  Jake and Jenna are now happily married and Kailee is changing so much every day!  It is crazy to me how much that precious girl depends on me.

 

I have loved getting to know her and see her personality.

It has finally been a WHOLE WEEK since I have had to supplement with formula.  I think we are getting the hang of things.

Nursing is a whole new world.

Your ENTIRE LIFE revolves around feedings.

Whoever knew I would have to make decisions based upon my boobs!?

I no longer feel like I have boobs actually, just milk bags.
You want to know the worst feeling in the world? Not being able to find your Medela nursing shield!  Talk about a panic attack!
My life changed the moment Miss K and I used that shield.
I started supplementing formula because she was still acting hungry after having what I had pumped.  As I read up on how to increase my supply I found that the more I nurse the more I would produce.  We spent three days straight nursing whenever she wanted (even if it was only 45 minutes later).
I wish someone would have told me the importance of nursing.
I understand some people can't nurse and I am not judging one bit.
I am entirely grateful I am able to nurse my baby.
What is better than free baby food?
 

She sleeps in a bassinet until anywhere between four and six am then I snuggle with her until it is time to wake up.

She used to sleep with me all night.

(I know I'm a horrible mom, yell at me all you want:)

But I LOVE having her sleep with me.

A tiny perfect human being laying in a huge bed with me and dad is one of the best feelings in the world.

Actually the best feeling in the world with a 12 week old is seeing her sweet smile when I act like a complete dork.

She has found her hands.

I love that she soothes herself to sleep making little cooing sounds and sucking on her bink.

Hopefully she only sucks on her bink, I have a feeling she might like her hands, fist, knuckles and fingers better.

She likes taking her blanket and putting it in her mouth.

I waited to try new pants on her cause the waist was always so big, I have finally put them on cause they fit around her waist, now all she has is capris!

Good thing it's spring!

 

 

Puppy-love likes taking naps with her.

 

She has started to grab onto things and noticing herself in mirrors.

 

Still loves snuggling on your chest.

 

Sleeps with her hands up either in the air or by her face.

 

Always naps after bath time. I do bath time in the mornings cause it is SO much easier than trying to have a nightly routine.  Our nights are NEVER the same.

 

 Always smiles RIGHT after she messes her pants :)

 

 She likes to snuggle her caterpillar to sleep.

 

She gets all smily at night when we say family prayers around her bed. 

 

Cutest thing ever.

She is my favorite thing in the world.

 

Since today is a nice stormy day we stayed inside and played model for mom.

3 MONTHS OLD 

 

[.find though she be but little, she is fierce.]

Kailee has been such a good baby!  I mean, obviously, she has her moments, but still!  For the most part when she is awake she likes to look around and check everything out.  The other day she was laying there and I just decided to video her.  Lance works quite a bit so I wanted to video her so he can see how she is.  Here is a little clip I put together of things I want to remember about her at one month old.
[heard this song on a commercial and loved it:)]



I have also had these thoughts run through my head:

You are officially a mom if...
*she poops in your hand while changing a diaper
*she spits up in your mouth
*you pee, get dressed, brush your teeth, and do laundry all one handed.. scratch that, you do EVERYTHING one handed!
*you live your life 90 minutes at a time based on when you need to pump and feed
*getting out of the car, you throw the diaper bag, your purse, the camera bag over your shoulder, grab the boppy then grab the car seat when going back in the house
*you are proud of her for burping
*you wake up in the middle of the night and wonder how or when she ended up sleeping on your chest.
*you try to achieve one non-baby care task per day and consider your day a total success if you actually got that thing done. Your day revolves around feedings, baby bowel movements and nap times not the hours of the day.
*you can't remember if you ate or not
*you spend most of the day without a shirt on.
*you answer the door in your nursing cami.
*counting poopy diapers seems vitally important and when they happen, YOU feel a sense of accomplishment.
*it's an accomplishment to get your teeth brushed. At all.
*you dry off from the shower and realize it doesnt even matter cause your dripping milk anyway
*when changing a diaper you pick up her legs to put the new diaper under her and she farts....then you have to wipe your face...

I'm sure there is only more to come!


I have a select few songs I sing to miss k to calm her down or get her back to sleep:
*Reverently, Quietly
*I am a Child of God
*A Child's Prayer
*L-O-V-E
*Do-Re-Mi - except I change the words..
     Doe a deer, a female deer, Rae, that is your middle name, etc.
and last but not least...
*Soft Kailee
 [whenever I'm getting my blood drawn or just am trying to calm down, I will usually sing the song Soft Kitty #BBT] - my revised version goes a little something like this...

Soft Kailee, warm Kailee
little fuzzy head
Tired Kailee, sleepy Kailee
tiny in your bed!

Here is a lot of eye candy for your viewing of our last month together.  In no particular order...

 

On our way home from the hospital!

We have spent many days like this...

 

Newborn clothes would drown her at first, we had to go get a few preemie size clothes for her.  This one here was from her aunt Cortnie.

She loves laying on my chest.

I especially love it when she is awake and just looking around while snuggling in.

 

This is how we spend our friday nights while Daddy works!

 

The first time I ever put shoes on her, they didn't seem to bother her.  I love newborn shoes. adorable.

 

Right after we got the approval from Dr. Shakula that she could be in a normal carseat.  Pretty sure by the look in her eyes she wasn't sure what to expect.  When she was first born she was so little that she had to have a carseat bed.  It looked like a picnic basket and she absolutely hated it.  I felt so bad for her because she would scream everytime, only leading her to exhaustion, so then she would just sleep.

Since it has been warming up the last week or so we have gone out on walks behind our house.

She has definitely had a couple blowouts!  I'm pretty sure this is my fault though.  I have learned to pull the sides of the diapers fully around her tiny cheeks to prevent leakage!  Of course that was her first time wearing that shirt and of course it was white.  Joys!

 

 

 

At first Rudy wasn't sure what to think of her. He would look at me and give me loud sighs of disgust or annoyance when I held her.  I think he's getting used to her now though.  He wil usually try and find his way by her by scooting closer and closer to her until I til him not to.

If her hands aren't right next to her face in an L shape, they are straight out to the sides of her ears.

Her alert times of day are usually between 8am-11am and then again at night right before bed.

I just love how teeny tiny she is!

I can't get enough of her!

She is pretty random as to if she likes to be burrito-ed or not.  I will still usually try to swaddle her, sometimes she handles it but most the time she kicks herself out.

 

Speaking of kicking out, these are newborn jammies.  She is just like her mama.  If she isn't comfortable she will make herself comfortable.  These newborn ones are now to small for her but other newborn ones still fit fine. 0-3 month jammies are so huge on her, her legs barely make it to the leg holes.

She enjoys her swing but if she realizes that both mom and dad are home and someone isn't holding her, she fusses to get what she wants.

 

 

Here is miss k at one month old :)

 

 

[.every now and then, it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.]

Feb. 10, 2013
After taking a shower this morning, I stood there blow drying my hair looking at little miss k's swing on the other side of the room.  It was empty and I realized that in less than a month she will be laying in her swing.

Feb. 11, 2013
Today I hit my 37 week mark! As I walked into work this morning one of the trainers said to me, "Wow, Kendra, you have dropped! She is getting ready!"  People kept asking me if I had things ready and had my bags packed.  I had her diaper bag packed with the smallest outfits I could find and some blankets but I had only made my "must haves" list to bring in my bag to the hospital for when the time would come.  After a couple of clients I took Rudy up in the mountains.  I'll usually walk up and down the hills with him for about a half an hour a couple times a week.

I went back to work at 2:30 to start my night full of clients.  I started feeling a couple contractions around 3:30.  When I was 33 weeks, I had these same types of contractions, went into my doctor and after being monitored I went back home and "took it easy".  Because I was only 37 weeks I figured it was kind of the same thing and kept working.  Around 5:30 I had to pause a couple times during my clients session to sit because the contractions were now happening about 4 times an hour rather than just a couple.  I contemplated cancelling the rest of my clients for the night.  My 6:30 showed up and I told them that I wasn't feeling great and was having some contractions.  They were very understanding and talked me through each contraction.  In complete denial, as my 7:30 client showed up so did Lance, Jake, Jenna and Isaac.  I let her know as well how I was feeling.  Pushing her through her workout I kept having more and more contractions.  Lance started timing them and they were only about 6 minutes apart.  As I was finishing up with my 7:30 client, my last 8:30 client showed up and I was curled over on the floor in the middle of a contraction.  I met with her in the office and within the first 15 minutes I had about 5 contractions.  She hollered at Lance and told him to get me home and resting if not to the hospital at that moment.  We ended up leaving the gym about 9:10 and started on our way home.  Lance drove me home, Isaac drove Lance's car home and Jake and Jenna followed us.  I called up my doctor and told him how I was feeling.  He told me to go to the hospital immediately.  When we all pulled into the driveway, we got out of the car and I dropped to the freezing cement, Lance and Jake helped me up to walk into the house.  Lance, Jake and Isaac gave me a blessing before packing up our bags.  Sitting through a few more contractions Jenna was asking what to pack.  I told her not to worry too much beacause I wasn't having a baby yet.  She threw in the necessities, shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush and toothpaste, with a couple of comfy pants and shirts.

As they all started home, Lance and I were on our way to the hospital to see what was going on.  I text the videographer to give her the heads up that I was going into the hospital.  I told her since I was 3 weeks early I didn't think anything of it but just incase I wanted to let her know we were on our way to the hospital.  I called my mom to ask her if I was crazy for heading to the hospital just to have them tell me I'm overly paranoid and need to go home.  Between contractions she told me that by the sounds of things that she thought I'd be having a baby tonight.  I started to get scared and almost started to cry as it became more and more clear as to what was happening.  Lance kept reassuring me not to be scared because something great was about to happen.  Which only scared me more.  Not because I didn't want it to happen but because I didn't know what to expect or what was really happeneing.

Lance would drive like a grandpa and then each time a contraction would come he would kick it up to 80!  We pulled into the emergency parking lot and waddled on inside about 10:30 pm.  They  looked at us and asked how they could help us.  Lance looked back and them and said, "Um, yeah, she's pregnant, and is contracting like crazy."  They pulled up a wheel chair and wheeled me over to Labor and Delivery.  Where it took them an eternity to even get things going! We started answering questions and they told me to give a urine sample once the other girl was finished.  Who was also in there for an eternity!  After about 3 contractions the girl came out of the bathroom, obviously pregnant, and obviously doing fine because she is walking out on her own telling the desk people she can't find a gown.  I wanted to yell at her and tell her who freaking cares obviously you are standing up and can handle yourself, get out and let me change before I die!  She came out of the bathroom and Lance rushed me in there to change.  As I was curled up over the chair, Lance made it his best attempt to dress me in the gown.  I almost didn't care if my butt was hanging out before walking out the door to get things checked.  They told me to go lay on bed F.  Not sure why I remember that, but I do.  I layed there for another 3 contractions before I decided to moan loud enough for it to seem like a big enough deal for someone to come over.  Which I'm pretty sure it worked because as a lady was walking by I hear, "Oh, wow, we should get someone over here to check her!"  YOU THINK!?  That would be nice!  The nurse came to check me and I hear, "Oh honey!  You are dialated to an 8!"  Two seconds later I said, "And I'm pretty sure my water just broke!"  She said to the other lady, "Call her doctor right now, this baby is coming!"  They hooked me up to IV's and started getting things ready.  After they finished everything they asked, "Oh! You aren't allergic to anything are you!?"  I wanted to respond, "You're lucky I'm not!"  But Lance nicely responded, "No".  I hear them say, "Oh, good!"  I asked, "Can I get the epidural?"  They said back, "You are way past that!"  I remember shutting my eyes and just whining, "No! This isn't how it was supposed to be!"

Next thing I remember is being in a room and Lance calling everyone to tell people that this baby was coming!

After about 4 pushes Dr. Spencer showed up and Kailee was here after another 3 pushes!  It was the most amazing feeling to have them put her on my chest as I looked at her realizing that she was ours to keep forever.

I can't believe that in just my last post I ended by saying how ready I was to meet her.  That was the DAY BEFORE she decided to enter the world :)

Here is the highlight video of her birth story...more to come!

 

[.if the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never change your goal.]

The last few weekends miss k has been spoiled rotten by friends and family at her baby showers!

 I am so incredibly grateful to those who have thrown the showers!  I know how much hard work is put into them to even make it happen.

 

My mom threw the Hamblin/Neilson and Lifelong clients shower.

 

 

Myrna, Kamie, Tori and Jenny threw the Fischer/Brown and neighborhood friends shower.

 

 

My step mom Tracy threw the Rose shower.

 

 

 

I have some amazing family in my life and don't know what I would do withouth them!

 

Yesterday, one of my best friends Sarah Jackson threw my friends/Paces shower.

 

I can't believe how much love and support has been shown for this little girl, and with one more ward shower to go, I can't even imagine!

 

I now feel much more ready for miss k to arrive.

We have her car seat, stroller, swing, and pack'n play!

We just need to put up the closet in her room and I will almost feel complete.  All we need is her!

 

These last 37 weeks have been awesome.

I really can't complain too much about my pregnancy, there are definitely it's moments, but really I have enjoyed it.

Feeling her move everywhere is one of the craziest things to experience, seeing her move is even more crazy.  It just brings me that much closer to reality that she will be here before we know it.

One of the first things people ask is, "Oh, are you just miserable!?"

I sure hope I don't look miserable!  I actually feel really good for the most part.  I'm just ready to be in my bed sooner in the evenings than I usually would be.  I'm not ready to be done being pregnant, I'm just ready to meet her and see her face!

 

As of my appointment last Thursday I was dialated to a 2 and 70% effaced.

Hopefully it will be further than that at our next appointment Wednesday :)

I'm not saying I can't wait until March 4th, but wouldn't be sad if she ended up being a February baby.  We're just getting excited, that's all!

_____________________

 

On a completely different note, I have to congtratulate my brother and future sister in law!

 

 

They were engaged last week and are getting married April 19th!

I couldn't be more happy for them!  They were seriously made for each other and everyone knows it!

I have loved getting to know Jenna over the past 2 years and am so excited to call my best friend my sister in law.